We're One Big Happy Debate Family

   This tells a story of how 12 strangers became best of friends in a short period of time.
   I've always wanted to debate. Since I was in Elementary, the thought of debating already made me interested. But since there were no opportunities that time, I wrote Editorials. I've been competing in DSPC since I was in Grade 5 but stopped during my 6th and 7th grade. I was able to reach Regionals last year and so, I somehow expected the same this year. But, I didn't. When I heard that I didn't qualify, I was devastated. I wouldn't have been depressed if I knew there was a reason as to why I wasn't able to go to RSPC.
   If I qualified, I wouldn't be able to audition for the LSU debate team since ISDC is about the same date as RSPC. If I qualified, I wouldn't have been able to encounter this once-in-a-lifetime experience and meet these 12 great and unforgettable people (along with 2 coaches).
   There were two sets of Audition. There was Round 1 and Round 2. When you qualify for Round 1, then you proceed to Round 2. I never would have known that I would qualify for Round 1 because the only debates I've done are those informal ones in class. I never expected I'd make the team. I thought the slots were given to the Grade 10 students who were older and wiser.
   I couldn't say that we 'clicked' right away during the Training Workshop during Sembreak because we were still new to each other, although there were some of us that already knew each other and were already friends(a.k.a. we were on the same level, same club, etc.). The real frienship started on the after school trainings. As we went home late more often, we grew closer. After some time, we were already considered ourselves "good friends".
   The week before the competition, we had to train for the whole day. This was another chance to deepen our friendship since we now spend almost the whole days with each other's company. We had fun debating with each other, being adjudicators, and sometimes just talking about anything under the sky. We talked about ISDC updates, how excited we were, what we were going to do when we get there (aside from debate) and such. Time passed and we grew more comfortable with each other to the extent that we made fun and goofed around with one another.
   November 25 was a thrilling day for us. Some of us barely slept the night before due to excitement (I was one of those 'some'). We spent half of the day staying in the AVR and goofing around and then we left around lunch time. The trip was fun. We laughed, we talked, we ate, we slept. It was the first bus ride I had in which I didn't get bored. hahahah!
   Our first night together were shared with the RSPC participants but it was still memorable. We vowed to sleep early but ended up sleeping late because of the late-night chats and laughs. Our first day was something to remember. That was the day where we had our 1st Round of the competition and we went 'home' disappointed. Our coach, being concerned gave us a talk I'll never forget. That was the first time I represented my school and was told that the goal was not to win but to debate. I've only joined one contest aside from this and it was DSPC and during that time, I have never been told to go there to write.
   We performed better on the second day. Especially on the second round. For once, all LSU teams won. But the great improvement really was that we all had fun and not put pressure on ourselves. We all did well on the third and fourth rounds. Even if not all of us won those rounds (I'm actually not sure of the results..hehehe),  I can say it was worth it because I know that we all did our best. But of course, even if having rounds 2-4 were great, I can definitely say that the highlight of that day was the Break night party. It was definitely fun seeing my friends all dressed up. It was fun going to Highway 30 and hanging out with the debaters. And when the top breaking teams were announced, the unexpected happened. Two LSU teams got in. LSU 1 and 2.
   Finally, the third (and last day) came. I can still remember how our team (LSU 2) felt before the quarter finals. We were so nervous and at the same trying hard not to think about it (at least I was). We were sort of panicking during the prep time. Nontheless, we didn't fail to do our best. At least, even if we lost, we did our best. So it's not much of a loss, if you put it that way. Aside from that, we were all so glad that LSU 1 was able to reach the semi-finals. I expected it so it was good that it happened :).
   But when I think about it, all of those previous moments could never sum up to the memory of our last night together. Yep, the very last night we had in ISDC. The bond actually started after the Championship dinner and the Awarding Ceremony when 'Ken' followed us because he wanted to talk to 'Barbie'. In the end, and after some pursuasion, Barbie agreed to give Ken a chance. She agreed to hear him out. And it was a mighty good thing that she did.
   We then spent the whole night talking about anything. Topics ranged from what happened between Barbie and Ken, what Barbie feels about Ken, how much Tobby is in love with Alexine, until our own love stories, horror stories, funny stories, and more. It was such a wonderful slumber party and it was a good thing that we had the dorm all to ourselves that night. No offense, RSPC participants. I mean, if there would still be other people around, then the guys wouldn't be able to sleep in the girls' dorm and we wouldn't have as much fun. We fell asleep at around 1-2 am in the morning, I guess. The most interesting part about that sleep is our sleeping positions. Imagine all 13 of us, trying to fit ourselves into two double beds! We still managed to, anyway. :))
   We left the morning after that. I can pretty much say that that was our last chance to bond while in Iligan. We basically spent the whole time talking about how fun the last night was and how we already miss ISDC and its people. ;)
   I am truly grateful that I have been given the chance to participate in ISDC. I am thankful for the experience, for the trip, for the excuse to not attend classes, but mostly I am thankful for these people that I would never have met if this chance wasn't given to me. I'm thankful that I was able to meet these 12 bright, funny, fun, and just overall amazing Lasallians.
   People could say that we, the debaters and our coaches, are very close friends. They're wrong. We're not just close friends. We're ONE BIG HAPPY DEBATE FAMILY.
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so, sorry for the late write up. i have been having trouble with my writing lately. anyway, i skipped the Championship dinner since the only thing i basically remember from it was Julie's public speaking speech and how cold i was during that time. And for those readers who are confused and do not understand who "Barbie" and "Ken" are, well, that's your problem. :-P

Dear Kim

Kim,

   First of all, I would like you to know that what I am going to say in this post is only my insight and what I think you should do. Whether you want to follow my advice or disregard it is up to you.

   From the things that you told me, I can say that you two have something. Not just an ordinary something, but something that's worth fighting for.
   From how I see it, I can tell that you're very special in his heart. If he was able to 'retreat' like that, then, you may be something he doesn't want to lose. He treasures you, Kim. He may have a weird way of showing it, but he does. And what he said about you deserving better than him, well, he should know that the best you can deserve is someone who can love for who you are despite your flaws, and mistakes. He should know that love isn't for those who are this and that, but for those who can feel it and fight for it.
   As for you, I know that you are in love with him. Your eyes explain everything. You yearn for his prescence. And if you think that there's nothing you can do about it, your wrong. Even if you already said 'no' when he wanted to give it a go because of hurt, you can still change the outcome. You can tell him that deep inside you really wanted to. That is, of course, if you do.
   Based on the romance pocket books that I've been reading and a little bit of my experience as well, I can pretty much say that courage is all you need. Don't be afraid to tell him what you really feel. I always thought that if you love someone, tell them because hearts are often broken by words left unspoken.
   You see, Kim, if you don't he might think that you've truly given up. He might think that you choose to turn your back on him and all those precious memories you've had. And if he thinks you did, he might do the same too.
   If you tell him, well, there's a chance that it would be weird because as you've said, you're a girl and it would not be normal for you to be making the first move. Well, screw that, Kim. Whoever would judge you for expressing your long-kept feelings are narrow-minded and do not know the meaning to the statement 'explore all possibilities'.
   Also, you've told me you're scared of being rejected. One, I don't think that would ever happen. He loves you, he said so himself. And he's very sweet and caring to you. If ever he will let you down, I assure you that he's going to do it gently. and Two, if ever it doesn't end up as how you've wanted it to, at least he knew the truth and at least you got that weight off your chest. That way, you can now walk freely knowing you don't have anything to hide anymore.
  Courage is very important. Don't be afraid to speak out and tell him the truth. The truth sets us free, doesn't it? Don't let fear or hurt get in the way of happiness. Just think: the fear or hurt you're feeling now, is less than half of the happiness and bliss that you will experience after facing them. Anyway, there can never be roses without thorns so just hang in there, Kim. I'm here for you.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxox
to kim: Sorry if the choice of words weren't that nice. I'm so sleepy but wanted to finish this before going to sleep. Even if the words aren't as wisely-thought, I do hope you get the idea.
 

The Truth Behind These Words

   When I read my posts, I can't help but think how miserable I sound. It seems that all I ever write about are my problems and rantings about this world . But honestly, I'm not like that.
   If a stranger were to read my blog, he would probably think that I'm a girl filled with insecurities, complaints, and hatred. He would think that I'm just one of those bitter people that cannot find any pinch of happiness in life.
   Actually, I'm not that kind of person. I find fun in the simplest of things. Books, food, friends, romantic movies, puppies or baby animals - these are some of the things that can make me smile. I also like laughing a lot. I do crazy stuff, and laugh about it. Sometimes, I just laugh without any reason at all. Yeah, I'm weird like that.
   But, just like every person, I conceal some misery inside. I am not 100% happy with life. There have been pieces that are missing, pieces that have been destroyed, and just some that just don't fit. It can be frustrating at times.
   That's why I write. I write to express my innermost thoughts and emotions. At school and with my friends, I'm happy and I try to forget my problems. I can't go ranting about my frustrations when they're all happy like that. I really don't feel like killing their joy with my troubles. And when I do share, I feel like I haven't been telling them enough. At least, through writing, I can let friends know every detail of the troubles I'm facing. Well, maybe not EVERY detail since I don't specify names or anything.
   So, to those who think I suck at blogging because all I ever write about are negative stuff, well, that's your opinion. It's not my fault that you don't like my blog. If you don't like, don't read it. It's as simple as that. Anyway, I'm the kind of person who writes better when I'm feeling down. I haven't tried writing when I'm happy. Maybe I'll give it a try sometime.
   I hope I got the whole pessimistic thing all cleared out. I hate it when people get wrong ideas about me. That just sucks. XD
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
do i sound mad? hahahaha!

Letter to Life

 Dear Life,

   You probably don't remember me since there have been a lot of people that you've messed with. I'd just like to remind you that I am Patricia Ordoñez, the girl you've been treating well until this year. You've been nice to me and even if you've given me problems, you knew I was going to be alright because there was this one person I could hold on to for support.

   What happened, Life? Why'd you have to do that? Why'd it change? I know that a person should have his fair share of problems, but I did too. I don't mind you giving me my fair share of obstacles just not all at the same time. Especially not when I'm at my most vulnerable state.

   You see, Life, I've had this most special friend. We were like soul mates. We were so connected. Whenever I had problems, I didn't mind much because I knew she would help me get through it. She always knew the right things to say and the right time to say them. She gets me like no one else did. But sadly, you had to ship her right over to Arizona. How do you think that makes me feel, now? You know what? If I didn't meet these 4 people that I hang out with, I might've never been able to get it through these troublesome school days.

   I don't get you. I don't get you at all. You see, I've noticed that when I'm sad, nothing happens and when I'm happy, bad things happen. Is this your way of telling me to get my brain off fantasy and into reality? or am I just never allowed to be purely happy?

   But you know, despite all the crap that you have been putting me through, even if I can't make it through a day without feeling depressed, I still gotta thank you, Life. Because even if you do love throwing crap at me, you've still managed to make it up to me.

   Thank you for my new set of friends. Even if they can be a bunch of crazy people, and can be a huge pain in the *ss, I still couldn't see how I could smile if I didn't have them by my side.

   Thank you for the problems. Yes, I do hate you for it, but still, thanks. Without it, I would've never grown and realized a lot of things. I've just realized that there is more to you than just winning. I've learned that there is more to success than having great grades, and having a good academic life. You've taught me that success is happiness. When you're happy, you're successful because that's everyone's goal, isn't it? To be happy? I know their goals differ in a lot of ways like "I want to become rich", "I want to help the poor", "I wanna become a doctor, lawyer, flight attendant, yada yada yada.." but in the end, when we finally achieve those goals, we become happy, right?

   Also, thank you for the courage and strength. You kinda gave it to me after all the variety of problems you've decided to throw on me. If it weren't for the courage and strength, I would've given up already.  I wouldn't have went to school, probably cut my wrists, and just be miserable. Now, I could say that I obviously still go to school (even if sometimes I see it as something I just have to get it over with), I surely don't cut my wrists or any part of my skin intentionally, and yes, though I'm lonely, I still manage to smile.

   Lastly, thanks for giving me you. I know that not all people get the chance to live. And even if they did, not all manage to really enjoy it. Thanks for giving me the privilage to experience you and for giving me the chance to live you to the fullest. Please, continue to give me this blessing.
   One more thing, Life: I know you won't stop throwing rocks at me. I know that you just won't rest. I respect that. That's how you roll. But if you expect me to give up and not stand up after I fall, if you expect me to get tired and stop trying, well, I'm sorry but I'm that that type of girl. ;)

                                                                                                                                          Forever Yours,

                                                                                                                                          P. Ordoñez

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wrote this entry while my head was slightly spinning. i don't know if it's because i'm sleepy, because i've been too long on the computer, or because i've had more wine than i should've had. tsk.

                                                          

  

It Takes Two to Tango

   Junior year so far has been dispappointing.
   Not only did 2 of my dearest friends leave to very far places, but i found it easy to say that no good thing has ever happened to me.
   Okay, I correct that. One good thing did happen to me. I found a great set of new friends. Four of them, to be exact. They may not be the type of people I expected myself to like, but surprisingly, I loved them. They were annoying, noisy, misbehaved, and crazy. They were also fun, thoughful, and loving. They always managed to brighten my day and joke my troubles away. Although they were the opposite of my previous close friends and have the opposite attributes i seek in a companion, I couldn't think of a better place where I belong.
   They were new to me like I was new to them. We were all knew to each other since neither of us became really close friends until this school year. We have a lot to learn about each other.
   Recently, I just learned that friends 3 and 4 don't get along with each other. Well, I really didn't think they weren't close to begin with.
   Then, they both snapped. It started last Monday during Computer time. The power went off so we had to do some activities. As soon as our teacher left, we began talking and sharing answers amongst ourselves. Naturally, the Computer Lab became noisy and Best Friend #3 got irritated with the noise for she wanted to concentrate so she said (in Bisaya) "Shut up, will you? Why can't you shut up? Just answer the computer activities and stop acting like you're smart. You think you're so smart but you're not" or something like that. Best Friend #4 got offended because she knew 3 was referring to her row. From that time on, 4 began shouting "BUGO! BUGO! MGA BUGO! MGA BUGO TANG TANAN!"
   Personally, I thought 4 started it. It irritated 3. It annoyed me a bit too because I thought the taunting was done for no absolute reason and I was agains a person calling another dumb. To me, jokes that diminish one's self-esteem were low. Not only that, being called 'stupid' somehow discourages one to study.
   Then I learned how it really started and I realized how they were both wrong. 3 shouldn't have said those things and 4 should've just told 3 in person that she was offended. No need to announce it to class even if it was through an indirect way. They also had no right to say that one is noisy and loud because they are both equally the noisiest girls in class, in my opinion.
   And now, I what I've feared has happened. Two of my closest friends hate each other. When one talk, the other glares or rolls her eyes. We tried to make them talk to each other and tell each other what they truly feel. It was such a failure. I came with my Best Friends # 1 and 2 to tell 4 that 3 wanted to talk to her. She wasn't willing and once 3 knew, she gave up on trying. And to make things worse, 4 even said that even if she went with me, and the rest, she would feel out of place. I beg to disagree. I think 4 would fit in just fine.
   I really wish they'd stop fighting. I wish they'd just talk instead of making rude comments behind each other's back. I wish they'd see their mistakes. There are three sides to this problem afterall - 3's side, 4's side, and the RIGHT side. I wish they'd swallow their pride and just apologize to each other. I wish 4 would understand that no one's replacing her. We love her no matter what people say about her. I wish 3 would not give up. I wish she won't transfer to another school just because of that stupid misunderstanding.
   Seriously. They have to understand that this problem isn't going to solve itself. But one can't fix it either if the other isn't willing or doesn't want it fixed. Girls, remember, it takes TWO to tango.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
 I think by the time you've read this, you'll know who you are. I haven't been very creative with nicknames, but you can't blame me. I'm tired but wanted to pursue this blog hoping you guys would see some sense. I hope when you read this, you'll understand and not want to kill me. Please don't kill me. I'm too young to die. And don't feel bad and start avoiding me, either. That's worse than killing me. That's still like murder. Only it's emotional-murder. If any of you guys feel bad and start avoiding me, my heart's gonna break. oh, and please remeber. I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GOTTEN MY FACTS RIGHT. I ONLY WROTE WHAT I KNEW AND WHAT I THOUGHT I KNEW. THIS ENTRY IS WRITTEN FROM MY POINT OF VIEW SO THIS IS HOW I SEE THINGS. EVERYTHING IS OPINIONATED.