The Truth Behind These Words

   When I read my posts, I can't help but think how miserable I sound. It seems that all I ever write about are my problems and rantings about this world . But honestly, I'm not like that.
   If a stranger were to read my blog, he would probably think that I'm a girl filled with insecurities, complaints, and hatred. He would think that I'm just one of those bitter people that cannot find any pinch of happiness in life.
   Actually, I'm not that kind of person. I find fun in the simplest of things. Books, food, friends, romantic movies, puppies or baby animals - these are some of the things that can make me smile. I also like laughing a lot. I do crazy stuff, and laugh about it. Sometimes, I just laugh without any reason at all. Yeah, I'm weird like that.
   But, just like every person, I conceal some misery inside. I am not 100% happy with life. There have been pieces that are missing, pieces that have been destroyed, and just some that just don't fit. It can be frustrating at times.
   That's why I write. I write to express my innermost thoughts and emotions. At school and with my friends, I'm happy and I try to forget my problems. I can't go ranting about my frustrations when they're all happy like that. I really don't feel like killing their joy with my troubles. And when I do share, I feel like I haven't been telling them enough. At least, through writing, I can let friends know every detail of the troubles I'm facing. Well, maybe not EVERY detail since I don't specify names or anything.
   So, to those who think I suck at blogging because all I ever write about are negative stuff, well, that's your opinion. It's not my fault that you don't like my blog. If you don't like, don't read it. It's as simple as that. Anyway, I'm the kind of person who writes better when I'm feeling down. I haven't tried writing when I'm happy. Maybe I'll give it a try sometime.
   I hope I got the whole pessimistic thing all cleared out. I hate it when people get wrong ideas about me. That just sucks. XD
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do i sound mad? hahahaha!

Letter to Life

 Dear Life,

   You probably don't remember me since there have been a lot of people that you've messed with. I'd just like to remind you that I am Patricia Ordoñez, the girl you've been treating well until this year. You've been nice to me and even if you've given me problems, you knew I was going to be alright because there was this one person I could hold on to for support.

   What happened, Life? Why'd you have to do that? Why'd it change? I know that a person should have his fair share of problems, but I did too. I don't mind you giving me my fair share of obstacles just not all at the same time. Especially not when I'm at my most vulnerable state.

   You see, Life, I've had this most special friend. We were like soul mates. We were so connected. Whenever I had problems, I didn't mind much because I knew she would help me get through it. She always knew the right things to say and the right time to say them. She gets me like no one else did. But sadly, you had to ship her right over to Arizona. How do you think that makes me feel, now? You know what? If I didn't meet these 4 people that I hang out with, I might've never been able to get it through these troublesome school days.

   I don't get you. I don't get you at all. You see, I've noticed that when I'm sad, nothing happens and when I'm happy, bad things happen. Is this your way of telling me to get my brain off fantasy and into reality? or am I just never allowed to be purely happy?

   But you know, despite all the crap that you have been putting me through, even if I can't make it through a day without feeling depressed, I still gotta thank you, Life. Because even if you do love throwing crap at me, you've still managed to make it up to me.

   Thank you for my new set of friends. Even if they can be a bunch of crazy people, and can be a huge pain in the *ss, I still couldn't see how I could smile if I didn't have them by my side.

   Thank you for the problems. Yes, I do hate you for it, but still, thanks. Without it, I would've never grown and realized a lot of things. I've just realized that there is more to you than just winning. I've learned that there is more to success than having great grades, and having a good academic life. You've taught me that success is happiness. When you're happy, you're successful because that's everyone's goal, isn't it? To be happy? I know their goals differ in a lot of ways like "I want to become rich", "I want to help the poor", "I wanna become a doctor, lawyer, flight attendant, yada yada yada.." but in the end, when we finally achieve those goals, we become happy, right?

   Also, thank you for the courage and strength. You kinda gave it to me after all the variety of problems you've decided to throw on me. If it weren't for the courage and strength, I would've given up already.  I wouldn't have went to school, probably cut my wrists, and just be miserable. Now, I could say that I obviously still go to school (even if sometimes I see it as something I just have to get it over with), I surely don't cut my wrists or any part of my skin intentionally, and yes, though I'm lonely, I still manage to smile.

   Lastly, thanks for giving me you. I know that not all people get the chance to live. And even if they did, not all manage to really enjoy it. Thanks for giving me the privilage to experience you and for giving me the chance to live you to the fullest. Please, continue to give me this blessing.
   One more thing, Life: I know you won't stop throwing rocks at me. I know that you just won't rest. I respect that. That's how you roll. But if you expect me to give up and not stand up after I fall, if you expect me to get tired and stop trying, well, I'm sorry but I'm that that type of girl. ;)

                                                                                                                                          Forever Yours,

                                                                                                                                          P. Ordoñez

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wrote this entry while my head was slightly spinning. i don't know if it's because i'm sleepy, because i've been too long on the computer, or because i've had more wine than i should've had. tsk.

                                                          

  

It Takes Two to Tango

   Junior year so far has been dispappointing.
   Not only did 2 of my dearest friends leave to very far places, but i found it easy to say that no good thing has ever happened to me.
   Okay, I correct that. One good thing did happen to me. I found a great set of new friends. Four of them, to be exact. They may not be the type of people I expected myself to like, but surprisingly, I loved them. They were annoying, noisy, misbehaved, and crazy. They were also fun, thoughful, and loving. They always managed to brighten my day and joke my troubles away. Although they were the opposite of my previous close friends and have the opposite attributes i seek in a companion, I couldn't think of a better place where I belong.
   They were new to me like I was new to them. We were all knew to each other since neither of us became really close friends until this school year. We have a lot to learn about each other.
   Recently, I just learned that friends 3 and 4 don't get along with each other. Well, I really didn't think they weren't close to begin with.
   Then, they both snapped. It started last Monday during Computer time. The power went off so we had to do some activities. As soon as our teacher left, we began talking and sharing answers amongst ourselves. Naturally, the Computer Lab became noisy and Best Friend #3 got irritated with the noise for she wanted to concentrate so she said (in Bisaya) "Shut up, will you? Why can't you shut up? Just answer the computer activities and stop acting like you're smart. You think you're so smart but you're not" or something like that. Best Friend #4 got offended because she knew 3 was referring to her row. From that time on, 4 began shouting "BUGO! BUGO! MGA BUGO! MGA BUGO TANG TANAN!"
   Personally, I thought 4 started it. It irritated 3. It annoyed me a bit too because I thought the taunting was done for no absolute reason and I was agains a person calling another dumb. To me, jokes that diminish one's self-esteem were low. Not only that, being called 'stupid' somehow discourages one to study.
   Then I learned how it really started and I realized how they were both wrong. 3 shouldn't have said those things and 4 should've just told 3 in person that she was offended. No need to announce it to class even if it was through an indirect way. They also had no right to say that one is noisy and loud because they are both equally the noisiest girls in class, in my opinion.
   And now, I what I've feared has happened. Two of my closest friends hate each other. When one talk, the other glares or rolls her eyes. We tried to make them talk to each other and tell each other what they truly feel. It was such a failure. I came with my Best Friends # 1 and 2 to tell 4 that 3 wanted to talk to her. She wasn't willing and once 3 knew, she gave up on trying. And to make things worse, 4 even said that even if she went with me, and the rest, she would feel out of place. I beg to disagree. I think 4 would fit in just fine.
   I really wish they'd stop fighting. I wish they'd just talk instead of making rude comments behind each other's back. I wish they'd see their mistakes. There are three sides to this problem afterall - 3's side, 4's side, and the RIGHT side. I wish they'd swallow their pride and just apologize to each other. I wish 4 would understand that no one's replacing her. We love her no matter what people say about her. I wish 3 would not give up. I wish she won't transfer to another school just because of that stupid misunderstanding.
   Seriously. They have to understand that this problem isn't going to solve itself. But one can't fix it either if the other isn't willing or doesn't want it fixed. Girls, remember, it takes TWO to tango.
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 I think by the time you've read this, you'll know who you are. I haven't been very creative with nicknames, but you can't blame me. I'm tired but wanted to pursue this blog hoping you guys would see some sense. I hope when you read this, you'll understand and not want to kill me. Please don't kill me. I'm too young to die. And don't feel bad and start avoiding me, either. That's worse than killing me. That's still like murder. Only it's emotional-murder. If any of you guys feel bad and start avoiding me, my heart's gonna break. oh, and please remeber. I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GOTTEN MY FACTS RIGHT. I ONLY WROTE WHAT I KNEW AND WHAT I THOUGHT I KNEW. THIS ENTRY IS WRITTEN FROM MY POINT OF VIEW SO THIS IS HOW I SEE THINGS. EVERYTHING IS OPINIONATED.