Letter to Life

 Dear Life,

   You probably don't remember me since there have been a lot of people that you've messed with. I'd just like to remind you that I am Patricia Ordoñez, the girl you've been treating well until this year. You've been nice to me and even if you've given me problems, you knew I was going to be alright because there was this one person I could hold on to for support.

   What happened, Life? Why'd you have to do that? Why'd it change? I know that a person should have his fair share of problems, but I did too. I don't mind you giving me my fair share of obstacles just not all at the same time. Especially not when I'm at my most vulnerable state.

   You see, Life, I've had this most special friend. We were like soul mates. We were so connected. Whenever I had problems, I didn't mind much because I knew she would help me get through it. She always knew the right things to say and the right time to say them. She gets me like no one else did. But sadly, you had to ship her right over to Arizona. How do you think that makes me feel, now? You know what? If I didn't meet these 4 people that I hang out with, I might've never been able to get it through these troublesome school days.

   I don't get you. I don't get you at all. You see, I've noticed that when I'm sad, nothing happens and when I'm happy, bad things happen. Is this your way of telling me to get my brain off fantasy and into reality? or am I just never allowed to be purely happy?

   But you know, despite all the crap that you have been putting me through, even if I can't make it through a day without feeling depressed, I still gotta thank you, Life. Because even if you do love throwing crap at me, you've still managed to make it up to me.

   Thank you for my new set of friends. Even if they can be a bunch of crazy people, and can be a huge pain in the *ss, I still couldn't see how I could smile if I didn't have them by my side.

   Thank you for the problems. Yes, I do hate you for it, but still, thanks. Without it, I would've never grown and realized a lot of things. I've just realized that there is more to you than just winning. I've learned that there is more to success than having great grades, and having a good academic life. You've taught me that success is happiness. When you're happy, you're successful because that's everyone's goal, isn't it? To be happy? I know their goals differ in a lot of ways like "I want to become rich", "I want to help the poor", "I wanna become a doctor, lawyer, flight attendant, yada yada yada.." but in the end, when we finally achieve those goals, we become happy, right?

   Also, thank you for the courage and strength. You kinda gave it to me after all the variety of problems you've decided to throw on me. If it weren't for the courage and strength, I would've given up already.  I wouldn't have went to school, probably cut my wrists, and just be miserable. Now, I could say that I obviously still go to school (even if sometimes I see it as something I just have to get it over with), I surely don't cut my wrists or any part of my skin intentionally, and yes, though I'm lonely, I still manage to smile.

   Lastly, thanks for giving me you. I know that not all people get the chance to live. And even if they did, not all manage to really enjoy it. Thanks for giving me the privilage to experience you and for giving me the chance to live you to the fullest. Please, continue to give me this blessing.
   One more thing, Life: I know you won't stop throwing rocks at me. I know that you just won't rest. I respect that. That's how you roll. But if you expect me to give up and not stand up after I fall, if you expect me to get tired and stop trying, well, I'm sorry but I'm that that type of girl. ;)

                                                                                                                                          Forever Yours,

                                                                                                                                          P. Ordoñez

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

wrote this entry while my head was slightly spinning. i don't know if it's because i'm sleepy, because i've been too long on the computer, or because i've had more wine than i should've had. tsk.